Thursday, July 7, 2016

Life with Rafe: The First Three Months

This past weekend we celebrated Rafe's 3 month milestone! 3 months! The "fourth" trimester has come to a close. In some ways it feels like it's been a week since he was born and in others ways it feels like it's been a year. Rafe has been an incredibly easy and happy baby. There have been countless moments when I have felt so overcome with love for this little boy that it moves me to happy tears. The love I have for him is overwhelming and all consuming. When I carry him around with me and his little hand clutches my blouse or my hair, he might as well have his little hand directly around my heart. He is the greatest blessing.

That's not to say we haven't had our fair share of obstacles to overcome. Being a Mother is the most demanding, and exhausting job I have ever had. It's the most important role I will ever fill and my greatest responsibility. I have found myself questioning all of our decisions and second guessing myself frequently. Am I a good Mother? I have yet to meet a Mother who doesn't ask herself that question. 

This Momma has found herself in tears at 3 o'clock in the morning. One time at my wits end, with sheer exhaustion, attached to the breast pump just trying to keep up. The tears streamed down my face as I struggled to articulate why I was so upset. I was upset because no matter how many lactation cookies I ate, or how much Mother's Milk tea I drank, or how frequently he nursed, or how much I pumped, or how much water I drank, I would never produce enough milk for my baby. I cried because I was three days past exhausted. I cried. Oh I cried. Another time, sitting on my bathroom floor dissolved to tears, because we were forced to turn to formula, and it was upsetting my baby's stomach. There have been a handful of stressful days and stressful nights. I have had more conversations regarding poop than I care to admit and I've had to rely on my "village" frequently. We are incredibly fortunate to have such an amazing village. 

Though there have been messy moments, they have been just that. Fleeting moments in time that are replaced by more love and joy than I could have ever fathomed I would get to experience in my life. 

The first month was a challenge for all of us while we sorted out feeding Rafe. I had to give this struggle and guilt over to Jesus. Once we were all full and content, in the second month, we started attempting to tackle more consistent sleep. It's amazing what you can do once you're well rested.

Rafe's baby giggle is music to my ears, and his gummy little grin could literally light up the darkness. Each day he surprises us with something new. He makes me want to appreciate all the little things that I take for granted as I watch him discover simple joys in every day.

Rafe is filling out his 6 months cloths, and the pediatrician says he will be a big guy one day. But for today right now, he's my little bitty baby. I am basking in these blissful baby moments, because I know he won't always want to snuggle on my chest, or love his mornings with Mom. Don't blink, or you'll miss it.

*Rafe's monthly onesies were dreamed up by me, and made a reality by The Patterned Pecan*

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  1. Feeding my girl was a huge challenge as well. All you read is how breastfeeding is natural, the vast majority of women produce more than enough, and how EASY it is, once you just get the hang of it. And then, we were back in the hospital for three days because my body failed me, and I produced so little my tiny, one week old baby was dehydrated to the point of being hospitalized. I grieved breastfeeding, and still get pangs of guilt now, when she's a happy, healthy two year old.

    All that oversharing to say, good job, momma. Way to take care of your baby boy. He is absolutely precious!

  2. Girl, the nursing / pumping pain is REAL! I never realized how many women struggle with it until I struggled as well.

    Fed is best! You are doing an AMAZING job! I see a happy and healthy baby boy and that's the only thing that matters at the end of the day.


  3. This post was beautiful! And Bless your heart on the feeding struggles. Also, we are in the same boat or maybe we were riding the struggle bus at the same time? lol one of the two when it comes to the milk thing. I honestly feel like I'm being lied to. I wanted to go off on an admin to a local breastfeeding group every single damn time she posted on some new mom's post about how likely they aren't under producing. The mom just needed to try this this and this. I've tried it ALL....ALLLLLLLL trust me, lol. One thing may seem to work today but doesn't tomorrow. But with all that struggle and emotions, I would go through it again and again just to have my little man in my arms. Rhett isn't a fan of the car seat and coming home from the sitter with him can be stressful but as soon as I get him out of his seat, he grabs me. And i totally forget the 15-30 minutes of screaming lol